How to relationship
with a teen.
a moment in time.
Simply put, parenting is HardBeauty. I work hard at strengthening my relationship with my teenage children and my pseudo-kids too. I mean I work REALLY hard and I’m a professional Life Coach for Youth. Relationships take effort. PERIOD!
Like many other parent-teen relationships, my children and I experience our hard times. It’s ain’t always bliss in our neck of the woods.
Their friends say, “It’s gotta be so cool having your mom as a coach.”
To which they reply, “Not really, she’s just our mom.”
I guess I will let the fact that I’m not “cool” go. However, I am committed to moving forward and making our quarrels a part of the past.
I know that my children need my guidance now more than ever. Peer pressure in middle school and high school is intense. I want my kids to feel comfortable talking to me about their worries, so I can guide them in the right direction.
I let my kids hang out with their friends. I uphold strong academic requirements combined with reality. Now, I DON’T expect A’s but I do expect EFFORT! If their grades fall short because they failed to do the work or ask for help, so does their social life. That means bye-bye Xbox and cell phones. I’m ok if my kids bring home a C, so long as they’ve turned in ALL the homework, projects and put their best foot forward. Shhh, I’ll let you in on a secret, this has actually NEVER happened. IF they turn in all the work, they always get above a C. If they’ve ever had D or lower, its directly due to not completing the work. Nice trick, right? I do this because I love them and want them to experience the best life has to offer them. I am far more concerned about WHO they are, then WHAT they can DO. In our home, doing always sits second to being.
As a local philanthropist I have been known to pull my kids from school to engage in the community. I am a FIRM believer that not all learning takes place in the classroom. For example, my older kids have missed school days to organize and deliver new pajamas to kids all over southern Colorado, www.operationpj.org.
School is necessary, but so is fun-time. I attempt to NOT bark orders all weekend although there are chores to be done. We live on the Palmer Divide so the winter season is when we totally allow the snow to keep us trapped on our mountain. I won’t drive in crazy snow and because of this, we sneak in a movie day or two.
Use your time wisely. Talk to your kids while driving them to and from their after-school activities. For us, it’s often the only time to get one-on-one time with each child, because our family is larger. Asking open ended questions and then just listening works. I might ask…what’s the funniest thing that happened at school today? Or Tell me something good about your day. I like to change the open-ended question or statements often.
Slowly but surely, I am building a solid relationship with my children.
My children mean the world to me; they are my motivation to push through hardships when I feel like giving up. I understand that next year my oldest will be off to college and off to create a life of his own. Therefore, I cherish each moment we spend together.
Today, I appreciate my healthy relationship with my children. Each day is a learning experience, a chance to strengthen our bond, and an opportunity to create a lasting memory. Parenting is one of the hardest beauties ever!
1.Do I allow my children to be themselves, or do I insist on controlling all aspects of their lives?
2.What are they trying to teach ME today?
3.Do I make a conscious effort to spend quality time with my kids?
4.Have I ever given my children a reason to fear telling me the truth?
5.Have they heard me tell someone else’s story?